Your intuition tells you that the guy following you is bad news. Now what? What do you do next? If you desire safety, then you must learn how to protect yourself long before you meet Mr. Wrong.
Gavin de Becker has written three books for the survivor. His first, THE GIFT OF FEAR, reveals why women might choose to ignore their own internal safety signals. His second, PROTECTING THE GIFT, deals with teaching this self awareness to children. His third book, JUST 2 SECONDS, is literally a textbook for protection professionals on the art of being aware, and present, in the now.
Book No. 1 – "The Gift of Fear"
This book explains why it’s OK to trust your common sense to avoid danger. Thank your mother for your common sense legacy: trust your intuition. This book made me aware of why a woman might choose to ignore her own internal safety signal.
This book has three main points:
- Assert yourself and leave – BE RUDE! You cannot let the opinion of a potential predator overwhelm your better judgment
- Do not let any stranger nicely steamroll you into doing anything you don't want to do.
- Completely cut off any – and ALL – contact with stalker
People who have been hurt in the past have better instincts. If you've been a victim of violence, then this book may trigger bad feelings in his discussion of crimes and criminals. He tells a terrible story of the woman who was stalked and raped. You will ask yourself what might have been her response? How exactly do you help yourself?
Those of you who have already decided to become safer will want practical advice in avoiding danger. What you want to know is HOW to act on your intuition. How can you use your God given gift of intuition to help you avoid becoming a victim?
A young school teacher’s former boyfriend threatened to kill her. She got a restraining order against him but it did not stop his ongoing threats. Her ex-boyfriend was arrested several times – and always out within hours – but this did nothing to stop his threats. She learned that nobody was going to stop him from trying to kill her.
She lived alone in a rural area, so she decided to get firearms training from a police officer who worked weekends as a certified firearms instructor. She bought a handgun and became proficient with it sooner than she expected – trained women become excellent shooters!
Months later her ex was back at her home, armed with a knife. She grabbed her handgun while he was breaking into her home. He threatened to kill her when she took a defensive posture: she pointed her handgun at him and told him to leave. Instead he moved closer to her with his knife.
She fired at him and killed him in self defense.
She protected herself with planning and training.
You cannot control the triggers of the violent behavior of others but you can help yourself through planning and preparation.
This book can be too frightening for younger readers. "Protecting the Gift" gives you the language for sharing these lessons with teens.
Book No. 2 – "Protecting the Gift"
Mothers, and those who work with children, will enjoy most of this book: it’s an excellent stand alone book. For those who have already read "The Gift of Fear" will find the important topics repeated from that book. It will make you focus your attention to what we can all do to keep our children out of harm's way
Mothers of children with autism will be disappointed with the characterization of autism in the bullying chapter. Though Gavin does reveal a truism about fear and bullies.
"If we do all we can to protect children and invest them with a deep belief that they are safe, they will be less afraid, and thus less likely to be violent toward others."
He doesn’t say enough about what we can do to actually stop bullying: bullies need skills to handle situations that cause fear. Young boys in their teens have a need to demonstrate worthiness; fearful boys that lack this skill set choose those weaker than themselves like young girls for example. This is why trained soldiers are less likely to commit violent acts than others in their age group: they have the skill set to deal with situations that cause fear.
Gavin reminds parents to become more involved in the safety of their children. Relying on intuition is a major theme but his blueprints guide parents, and school professionals, to inquire more about what children do and where they do it.
Book No. 3 – "Just 2 Seconds"
This book is definitely for industry professionals working in personal protection. They use this book as a reference guide before going on protection details; it’s an educational text for anyone that works in the field of high level risk protection.
Hone your skills of observation: intuition is an extension of our observations. Become aware of the world around you. It is not a passive act; it is conscious, deliberate, behavior that takes concentration to achieve and practice to maintain.
For that reason, this textbook is not just for professionals. A woman can get a great deal from this book. Become a protector, not prey: protectors fight back. Stay in the NOW by observing closely whatever you can perceive and then let it go and watch again. Chapters in "Just 2 Seconds" share practical knowledge which can help women develop a better awareness of potential harm.
The martial arts also teach mental techniques for defense or, even better, avoiding situations where one might need defense. The concept of total awareness has been taught for centuries in traditional martial arts. This is your ability to view events just as they exist: without judging them, without being bound by fear, and to see without being lost in thought. Take a look at my Sifu's Warrior Series for an introduction to these principles (link below).
No one can ever really know what to expect when danger comes, that's why you prepare for the worst case. Knowing what to do when trouble comes around only comes to those who prepare themselves. Victims will not know what is going on until it is too late.
- Learn, plan, and observe in order to avoid these kinds of situations.
- Practice being present in the now: know your surroundings and trust your own common sense.
- Prepare your mind by seeking out experts and train.
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The Warrior Series is a free newsletter written by Sifu Kennedy that deals with the many aspects of why we train as martial artists. It is our hope that the newsletter will help you, as well as others, to define what a warrior is for yourself as well as provide ways to learn the principles that define you as a warrior. To sign up for the free Warrior Series Newsletter just fill out the form and click the SUBMIT button.
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Abel Garcia is one of the founders of Traditional Martial Arts Television. He studies Fut Sao Wing Chun in Chicago and teaches Filipino Martial Arts privately in Indiana. When he isn’t teaching, or training, he’s sailing on Lake Michigan. He lives in Indiana with “Angie,” his German Shepherd dog, and “Barnabus,” his black feral kitten.
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